Before we start sharing useful tips and advice that have already helped many relationships during the grieving process, let’s first make one thing clear – caring for your relationship during grief isn’t about “doing everything right.”
So, the main point we want to reach here is to stay connected while both of you are hurting, feeling confused, and vulnerable.
It’s not a secret – we all grieve differently. I have said this many times on our website and I will remind you again – there is no single correct way to grieve.
Most bereaved parents who have endured the grieving journey and stayed together claim that they have noticed the following:
1.One partner may want to talk constantly.
2. The other may withdraw and process internally.
3. One may cry openly.
4. The other may focus on practical tasks or routines.
Most common missunderstanding comes from the belief that the other person isn’t caring enough. Some people just have nervous systems that are responding differently to pain, grief, and sadness, and others choose to go through their loss in a ”more practical way”, by doing things they feel are fixing their daily life for better.
Different grieving styles can be understood as rejection, coldness, or lack of love.
Because of that, I would always suggest asking some simple yet effective question:
“How does grief show up for you?”
Yet, we must keep in mind that grief can make even simple conversations feel exhausting. You may struggle to find the right words – or any words at all.
What to do if that happens? The following tips could be very helpful:
Let go of perfect communication.
Speak simply and honestly.
Allow silence without assuming distance.
Another thing we want to escape from is falling into quiet resentment. The examples of such behavior could include:
“I’m holding it together more than you.”
“I’m doing all the emotional work.”
“You don’t seem as affected.”
We all know there will come a moment when the frustration appears. The best thing to do then is to take a pause and think about:
“What am I needing right now that I’m not expressing?”
It is very important that you two make space for both togetherness and distance.
Try not to make permanent decisions during intense pain.
It’s a hard journey but it’s not impossible. In the end, it’s good to know that many couples find grief:
Deepens empathy
Clarifies priorities
Builds resilience.
🍀Good luck! 🍀
