Couple issues you may experience as bereaved parents

Couple issues you may experience as bereaved parents

By: Hermita
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Couple issues you may experience as bereaved parents

Let’s talk about those things barely anyone will mention when it comes to the grieving process. You have probably realized that many topics are taboo when a family loses a child.

People will expect you to be all about grief and loss, but the true story is that life goes on, which means that you will still have to deal with all other daily problems, but in a much harder way.
And while you are there trying to make it through the day, family issues, relationship problems, and even financial crises may appear.

These are some of the most common problems couples experience after losing a child:

1. Your experience is different. Everyone experiences losses in a different way. Partners who don’t understand each other and cannot relate to the feelings of one another have to understand that no one in this world grieves the same. Your experience of the tragedy may be different too. Mothers usually have even more burdens than fathers, but that depends on the way your child has ended their life. The most important thing to understand here is to accept how your partner processes the tragedy. Of course, he should understand and process your way of grieving too. Always remember that you two are the closest ones that can provide support. No one else can understand your pain better now. 

2. Women had to go through pregnancy and delivery. If you have lost a baby, it is important to remember everyone that women went through a physical, emotional, and hormonal rollercoaster during the pregnancy and after the birth. As a woman who has given birth to a baby that hasn’t survived or lived, you will feel very lost and alone. Why? Because no one will talk about what you had to go through during the pregnancy and labor. You will feel like everything is related to the grief, yet you are there trying to recover from so many things. Even when you deliver a healthy baby that lives, postpartum is hard. Not to mention that women who lose their babies feel like they have gone through a very hard time that has left marks on their bodies, yet don’t have that reward - a baby. I invite you to find some support on our forum - unfortunately, there are many mothers whose destiny was like yours.
Talk about this with your partner. Their focus should be on your recovery too. I know that it is hard, but don’t suffer in silence. 

3. Your memories are different. You two may be keeping different memories about your child. The best thing here would be to share those memories with one another. 

4. The grieving process isn’t the same for everyone. And while you may be in the guilty part of the grieving journey, your partner may be depressed, or even furious. You will need to have a lot of patience and understanding. 


5. Financial issues. Another topic you won’t hear about from other people, but you two may experience a lot of financial issues. This is especially true for those parents who had to provide tons of medical support for their beloved child. Besides that, the funeral can cost a lot too, and in the first period of time after the loss of your child, you may not be able to work or provide like once before. 

6. Alone time. You will both need your ‘’me’’ time. Remember that there will be days when you may feel a bit better, while your partner may feel a lot worse. Unfortunately, the grieving process isn’t a cycle that goes in one direction. This may be hard because you may plan some days and try to continue your life, but it may happen that your partner isn’t ready for such things. The grieving process requires a lot of patience and empathy. 


7. Intimacy. While grieving, others will believe that nothing matters to you now but your loss. As I already said at the beginning of this blog post, what people need to understand is that your life will go on, despite the loss, and that you will have to deal with all other daily problems and issues as all other people. Yes, intimacy can be a problem. Your changes in libido are normal due to depression and sadness. It is important to remember that you shouldn’t throw this problem under the carpet and expect that it will get fixed by itself. It won’t. Try to talk to your partner in a completely open manner. Don’t close yourself and keep silent about your feelings and sexual energy.

In the previous fact when talking about alone time, I have also said that you two may not always be in the same mood. It may be challenging to find a period of time when you are both ready for the same things.

8. How much can you carry? Some people can simply carry more burden than others. If you are the one who is the strongest in your family, you may feel a bit lonely. Don’t be ashamed to ask for help. Just because you think you can carry a lot of negative things, doesn’t mean you have to do it all by yourself. 


While you are here, I also want to remind you that your relationship will change in good ways too. Just to mention, you two will become like true soulmates and be so close like never before. I will write more about it in one of my future blog posts.


Which problems has your relationship experienced after the loss of a child?

Feel free to talk about it with others in our comment section or on the forum


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