How to know your grief journey has ended? Although after such a tragedy of losing a child it may affect you for a lifetime, I wanted to write about the moment grief doesn’t affect your daily routine anymore.
Is that even possible? Let’s find out what science and people who have been in the grieving process say (including myself).
As a bereaved parent, you know very well that the grief doesn’t actually leave, but the important fact is that it changes form, which is usually enough for us to at least continue living a normal daily life.
Many parents who have lost a child are wondering on a daily basis when will the unbearable pain soften, and that’s exactly what I will try to provide an answer to.
Your grief is evolving, if:
- The pain you feel is not constant. You don’t feel such a huge burden in every single moment. Parents who have lost their children know that this type of grief can include numerous physical issues – it literally hurts, not just in our minds. When you start to notice that not an entire day is fulfilled with pain, this is a good sign. Of course, this feeling can come and go – remember that no grief journeys are linear. Be kind to yourself and have patience.
- Can you talk about your child without bursting in tears every single time? If you can finally say their name or share your story with someone who asks without breaking down, that’s an amazing progress. This takes a lot of time – usually more than 5 years.
- When did you start to notice life around you again? If you catch yourself enjoying something again or seeing beauty in life that is surrounding you, that’s great. Many will be able to enjoy food once again, to really listen to the music, or enjoy beautiful landscapes. This is connected to letting the feeling of guilt go.
- Big dates – big triggers. Big dates in a year will become more manageable. You are able to feel joy for other people’s children who are, for example, celebrating the same birthday as your child would today.
- Meaningful life. Loss is shaping you in a good way – you’ve become kinder, wiser, and feel like the loss brought a meaning to this life.
- You no longer live in the past. Those what ifs are occurring less and less. You are not dwelling on the past. You’ve accepted it.
- You are now a new person – and that is fine. You no longer think about becoming your old version of yourself and hoping to live a life you once lived. This is the new you – and you are accepting it.
Didn’t find yourself in the statements above? Maybe this article can help – learn more about complicated grief.
