I think everyone already knows that most narcissists of all sorts are obsessed with fame, beauty, or power, but today I will represent you another form of narcissistic disorder that is more deceptive from others. The main characteristic of a communal one is that they hide their self-absorption behind a mask of altruism.
You have probably heard about at least one story where someone claims that their neighbor is a great man, but their family claims the opposite. They will try to represent themselves in a big light when strangers are watching, but behind the closed doors – they are making a huge damage to their close people.
A communal narcissist has a perception that they are moral heroes, the ones who care more than anyone else, so no one is as good as them.
How did we come to this name for a specific narcissistic disorder? World’s psychologists said that they came up with it to perfectly describe people who see themselves as extraordinarily caring, empathetic, or morally superior — yet act in ways that contradict true empathy.
Some of the most common sentences you can hear from a communal narcissist include:
“I’m always there for everyone — no one gives like I do.”
“People don’t appreciate how much I sacrifice for them.”
“If it weren’t for me, this group would fall apart.” They believe that other people wouldn’t survive without them, and that their well-being and achievements in life happened due to their own help.
Okay, we can say that they are not as harmful as some other sorts of narcissists, right? At least, they will help someone…
The problem here is that they are still narcissists because we have learned so far that every narcissistic person is seeking validation.
For the communal narcissists, it’s all about as being the “good one” — the empath, the volunteer, the selfless leader.
What lays beneath the surface is this:
A fragile ego that depends on praise for being helpful.
A need for control, especially in social or charitable settings – no one should be seen as careful as them.
Envy and resentment toward others who get recognition.
If their efforts aren’t noticed or praised, they might become passive-aggressive or even retaliate emotionally — revealing the entitlement behind their “kindness.” They will often give, but if you don’t appreciate that as they expect, they will start to punish you by withdrawing their help. When they give you something or help in any way, know that they 100% expect something bigger in return.
Where do communal narcissists hide?
In workplaces: the “team player” who takes credit for others’ contributions while preaching collaboration.
In communities: the volunteer who dominates charity events, needing to be seen as the savior.
In relationships: the partner who gives help conditionally — expecting constant gratitude and admiration in return.
If you have already met a communal narcissist, you probably feel emotionally drained, from having to constantly validate their goodness.
Then there is guilt for not showing enough appreciation, or a constant state of confusion, when kindness turns into criticism or manipulation.
Set clear boundaries. You’re not obligated to feed anyone’s ego, no matter how “nice” they seem.
