Through your grief journey, you may be self-sabotaging yourself consciously or unconsciously. This mostly happens in the guilt stage of your grieving journey, due to the fact that you are overwhelmed with probably the worst emotion that comes after the loss of a child or a loved one.
Are you self-sabotaging yourself? These could also be the indicators that you do:
- Comparing yourself to others. You may be compering yourself to literally anyone, wondering how they are successful in life and you aren’t. Remember that we are all different and don’t play in life with the same cards. Besides that, you are starting from literally a minus point, so if someone has got further in life that you have, always remind yourself that they didn’t experience and go through the same things as you have.
- Trying to control everything. Even if you give all your energy with a desire to control what you cannot, of course you’ll stay disappointed. This is especially related to how other people behave. Overthinking about the future that hasn’t happened yet won’t help. It is great to have a plan but stay in the realistic frame.
- Living in the past all the time. As a bereaved parent, you will, of course, reflect on the past for many years. Most parents who have lost a child have depressive feelings for more than 5 years. Yet, try with the small things that will bring you to this very moment. If you catch yourself constantly thinking about the past and not being present, try to name 5 objects around yourself – for example, find 5 red objects that surround you.
- Not asking for help. I know that most of you had to go through this grieving journey alone. I’ve experienced that myself. Yet, with time, it’s really recommended that you start learning how to ask for help once again. This article can help you achieve that. I also know that many people have disappointed you while you were grieving but try to surround yourself with emotionally safe and stable people. This is how you can recognize them.
- All those unrealistic expectations. You know what disappoints us in life the most? Our own expectations – from ourselves and from others.
