On our blog, we have already talked about those big dates that always represent big triggers. Yet, we, bereaved parents, also know that those days don’t always have to represent big dates but they can come announced and like out of nowhere.
If you are surprised that today is a day when you have to cope with extreme emotional overload, know that you are now alone – we will try to help you by sharing some strategies that can lead you through the hard and dark moments.
From my own experience and from stories that came from other parents who have lost their children, I have learned this:
1. Acknowledge Your Feelings.
The first thing you should always keep in mind is that you cannot and shouldn’t run away from your own feelings and emotions.
It is okay to feel completely sad, lost, or even angry ”out of nowhere”. Don’t feel guilty because you aren’t coping as others expect you to do. This is your own grief journey and you shouldn’t apologize to anyone about how you feel today.
2. Create Small Rituals That Help You
We know that you cannot do much when you lose a child, but you can at least always do any small ritual that helps you feel a bit relived.
For example, some bereaved parents will pray, others will light a candle or visit a special place. Some parents who have lost their precious child claim that creating a memorial project has also meant a lot to them.
Love art? You can express your feelings this way, too.
3. Choose Your Company or Choose Solitude
Decide in advance whether you want to spend the day with others or alone. For some bereaved parents, spending time with people they love, have support from, and trust, brings a great comfort. If you feel that being alone helps you process emotions more freely, honor that need. It’s perfectly okay to set boundaries and communicate to loved ones that you need time for yourself.
4. Talk With Bereaved Parents Community
We noticed that there are a lot of online communities and support groups for parents who have lost a child. If you feel like connecting with only those who have experienced the same as you, that is completely fine. Some bereaved parents, including me, preferred an individual connection with one of my friends who has also lost a child.
When in need, we talked to one another and never got tired from listening to one another. It truly mattered a lot.
5. Create ”An Emergency Kit”
This may sound a bit odd but it is truly helpful and practical. On those days when you feel better, create a safety kit for yourself that will help you overcome those hard days. For example, you can prepare your favorite food, meals ahead, clean clothes, or anything that comes up to your mind that will help you to overcome that hard day.
Parents who have lost a child know how even the smallest daily tasks can feel like a huge burden when the emotions become overhelming.
Do you have some other advice that would like to share with other bereaved parents?
