Expressing ourselves correctly can have a huge impact on our relationship with others. In our blog section, I have already written about couple issues you may experience as bereaved parents, and we saw there that many have relationship troubles due to inappropriate communication skills.
In hard times such as your grieving journey, it may be even harder to talk with others and express how you feel and what your life looks like. But, there is something you can do – learn how to talk assertively.
In this article, I will give you some clear tips to implement assertive communication with the purpose to easily communicate with your environment and learn how to completely express yourself.
First of all, let’s say a few words about how assertive communication works. You will focus on expressing your real thoughts, feelings, and opinions, where others will clearly understand what you are up about. The most important thing in this ”type” of conversation is that you won’t have to put your feelings and opinions aside, yet the other side will also feel respected and listened to. I don’t like to think about assertive communication as some type of communication within people, but about the main point of all conversations that should be done this way.
I truly believe that if everyone talked assertively, we wouldn’t have relationship and communication issues anymore.
This is how you communicate assertively:
1. Clear messages. The main point is to be clear about your thoughts, feelings, and opinions. Try never to exaggerate anything.
2. Practice a respectful manner. Respect the person you are talking to but don’t forget to respect yourself as well. You two can have different views on a certain topic, yet you can continue your discussion with respect. Everyone must learn that it is fine that others have various beliefs about the same thing.
3. Focus on how you feel. If you want someone to understand you, focus on how you feel about a certain topic. Don’t focus only on the information.
4. What is the subject or a topic you talk about? Be clear about the topic you are talking about. Don’t start talking about ”this and that” because the communication will get messy and usually lose its point.
5. Arguing. When it comes to arguing or trying to show someone why you got mad at them, always focus on the real problem. Don’t talk about all those other problems you may have with that person or group. Remember – one thing at a time. Talk about how that makes you feel – express your emotions. Of course, this shouldn’t be done in a manipulative way.
6. Don’t forget to listen. Empower the others you are talking to to try the same approach and try to become an active listener. Listen to what others have to say – don’t just wait until they are done so you can start talking once again.
7. Use ”I” statements more. Don’t say ”we”. Say only what is truly related to you, your thoughts, and your feelings.
8. Stay away from these words and phrases. Try never to use words such as – always, never… What assertive communication teaches us is that we focus on communicating about certain things, and not attacking the other’s person personality. For example, if you are mad at your husband because he rarely washes the dishes or takes out the trash, don’t say: ”You are lazy and never clean our house.” Instead, say: “I am not satisfied with your behavior today because you said that you’ll wash the dishes/take the trash out.” There, we have pointed out the real issue but also stated how their behavior makes us feel.
Will you try to practice assertive communication?
