It is not a secret that having negative self-talk can come from our childhood. For example, if you had parents who talked to you in a negative way and didn’t support you, later in life negative self-talk can become common. The problem with it is that it not affects your self-esteem, but it stops you from achieving a lot in life.
You lose faith in yourself and create truly unnecessary stress on a daily basis. When it lasts, it brings negative consequences for your emotional well-being.
Yet, not all is lost. As with all the habits, they can disappear as well as they appear, you just have to train yourself.
We will help you to overcome negative self-talk with this little guidance:
1. When does the negative self-talk appear? Watch for triggers and situations – when you are most critical to yourself? Once you realize that, you can ask yourself why it appears in such situations.
Most people with negative self-talk always say to themselves sentences like:
”I never do anything good.”
”It is always this way.”
As you can see, people tend to use words such as never and always. If you truly ask yourself is everything always bad, you will realize how that is not a situation.
When you think you won’t succeed in something or that you are not capable to finish something, remind yourself of all those times when you won. I am 100% sure that you can find at least a few such situations, if not more.
Remind yourself that you are completely worthy.
2. Journaling.
Now that we have reminded you how your brain tricked you into negative thinking that leads to bad self-talk, let’s continue with the next step you should do, which is journaling.
When you catch yourself thinking all black, write down all the evidence that supports your negative self-talk.
Reframing the thought with a positive one is always a great idea. Let’s say that you think you don’t have enough courage for something.
Instead of saying I don’t have courage and focus on it in a negative way, write down the solutions which can help you to become braver and gain strength to do something.
3. How do you treat yourself?
Treating yourself with kindness and patience is a must. You must treat yourself as you treat those you love – friends and family, for example.
Remind yourself that you are doing the best you can in a current situation and that it is completely fine to make a mistake from time to time.
4. All those negative affirmations…
As a bereaved parent, I know this one very well – we tend to use so many negative affirmations after experiencing such a huge loss and trauma.
Yet, I challenge you to at least try using positive affirmations instead of the negative ones.
Those can sound anything like:
”I believe that I can stand this stressful situation very well.”
”I am worthy of success.”
”Others are not better than me.”
Make this part of your daily life and experience amazing results!
5. Don’t feed those thoughts.
Even when negative self-talk appears, don’t be the one to feed it. Do nothing, just observe your thoughts – don’t react.
When we feed our thoughts with attention, they get a bigger value.
Deep breathing and meditation can help you with this as well.
It is important to get yourself back in the present moment. Always remember that those worry ahead can only suffer twice – once when something truly bad actually happens, and the other before it even happens. If you are negative about everything that should come, you will always suffer, at least once – even when the tragedy doesn’t happen, but you will live it in your head before.
6. Are you surrounded by toxic people?
As already said at the beginning of this blog post, we usually adapt to negative self-talk due to our parents.
Now when you are an adult it is completely fine to set strict boundaries with all toxic people.
Surround yourself with those who see, celebrate, and support your self-worth. Seek out people who uplift you and challenge you to grow in the best direction.
For some people, motivational content works wonders – for example books, podcasts, TV shows, or anything you like.
7. Remember that you don’t have to be ready to take action.
It is perfectly fine not to be ready to do something. Yet, you should do it anyway. Do it with fear, but do it. Courage is not the absence of fear – but doing something despite fear you’re feeling.
Take the baby steps when you feel frozen to act and react. All this will help you to build confidence with time and learn to value yourself – from head to toe.
