Let’s talk about building and breaking habits!

When living in a survival mode, which is common in the grieving process, you’ll probably create some new habits.
Unfortunately, a lot of them won’t serve you in the long-term, but were definitely useful when you were just trying to survive on a daily basis.

I few days ago I came across a post on the Instagram saying something like this: ”Unpopular opinion – if you are trying to survive and all you can do is to count on negative coping mechanisms, then do it.”

You’ve been through a lot and many of us have changed permanently. As year passes, you’ll start thinking about what you can improve in your life to make it easier and more enjoyable.
That’s exactly when you’ll start thinking about changing your habits – or creating the new, good ones.
Let’s see what’s the easiest and the best way to do it.

How habits form?

For many decades, psychologists claimed that we need 21 day to gain or lose a certain habits.
Today, their thoughts on this topic are diverse, but we all got the point – whatever you repeat doing on a daily basis, it will result in automatic behavior through repetition.

Did you know that even scientists like to explain our habits through stages?
For many people, habits are consisted of the following:

1. Starting with the behavior. We start a new behavior when something triggers our brain to do it. It can be, an emotion, for example. It can also start due to our environment or a current need or something. This first phase of forming a habit is also known as cue – a trigger signal.
2. Your daily or weekly routine. This is related to the habit itself – you start practicing something more and more, and with time it becomes a part of you.
3. The result. The result of the habit can be a reward – any sort of it.

How to start building a positive habit?

The best way is to start with small steps, no matter if you dream big. Changing something small can encourage you to continue in the positive direction.

When trying to build a new, good habit, it is always recommended to link it to the existing ones. For example, if you want to write a diary on a daily basis, you can start by writing something after finishing your morning coffee. This will make the habit feel more natural to you and your brain.

Being specific and clear about what you want to achieve is also a great idea. Let’s say that you want to start exercising. Don’t just say – ”I will exercise more.” Specific goal would sound like – ”I will exercise for 15 minutes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday.”

Celebrate your success – acknowledge how far you’ve come – no matter how small the win is.

Okay, now that we have seen how to form a habit, what about breaking a bad one?

There are some common steps you should take to break a habit. That path should look like this:

1. What are the key triggers for your bad behavior? For bereaved parents, it is usually sadness, depression, anxiety, or loneliness. It can be anger as well. The first thing we must know about our bad habits is to be aware of the emotion that is behind it.
2. Replacing a bad behavior. For many, it is almost impossible to suddenly get rid of an unhealthy habit. Luckily, this trick can help you – replace a bad habit with a healthier version of it. For example, if you are used to drinking alcohol after work, replace it with juice.
3. Your environment. Sometimes, you’ll have to change your environment to get rid of a certain habit. When taking a look at the first step I’ve shared here, you’ll know where the trigger is hidden. For a lot of people, it can come from a toxic environment that encourages your bad behavior or make you do it.

Of course, it is a must to be super patient and not o mention gentle with yourself. Visualization of the achieved success can help as well, especially when you don’t see yourself continuing on the right path.