The Guilt of Moving On: How to Heal Without Feeling Like You’re Forgetting Them

What I want to talk about today is that strange yet familiar feeling of guilt once you start trying moving on with your life after the loss.

Many parents who have lost a child have told me that they weren’t able to continue living their daily life and start enjoying even the small things once again because they felt guilty and like they are betraying their lost angels.

Moving on, or starting to get at least a bit better, varies from a parent to a parent. Yet, some approximate amount of time is usually from 5-7 years. 

When you are ready to continue living, you are almost always in the last step of the grieving process – acceptance & hope. 

The problem here is that you may go back to the guilt phase because living and enjoying life seems a bit ”shameful”.

The most important thing here is to find out where such feelings come from. Do you think that the others are blaming you for living your life once again? That’s called bereaved parent’s stigma, and we have already wrote about it – read here.

Yet, numerous parents who have lost a child claim that the stigma is not the only problem but say that the feeling of guilt comes deep inside from them.

One of the best sentences you can hear related to this topic is that you should always remind yourself that moving on doesn’t mean forgetting.

Continuing to live your life also doesn’t mean that you are not grieving anymore or feeling sad, but that you are fighting and trying your best – which is amazing and I would like to say congratulations for that!

Letting go of guilt goes with letting go of the past regrets, too. Acknowledge the presence of guilt – don’t try to suppress it or to ignore it, this will just make the feeling more intense.

If you are a believer, or if you talk with your lost child, even in your head – you can try asking for forgiveness if that is what you feel like.

Visualizing future also helps – set some goals for yourself and try to leave your comfort zone. Those goals don’t have to be anything big, but they can.

I encourage you to exerience the freedom of letting the guilt go and start living your life once again – of course, whenever you are ready.