Acceptance & hope

Many people don’t understand the word acceptance in a correct manner – when we say that you are accepting the tragedy that has happened to you, we mean that you have learned and found your own ways to implement the loss in life and continue living. By continuing living, we mean that you have realized how to implement the memories of your child in the daily life that goes on. This doesn’t mean that you are not suffering anymore, but that you are at once again finding joy in life.

Even for a writer, it’s very hard to explain this stage of a grieving journey. People will often ask – what does it mean to accept the loss? But now that you know more about the previous stages of the grieving journey for the bereaved parents, it may be easier to understand its last stage as well. 

This stage will probably last until the end of your life. It’s true you’ll never be the same again. But being the same is not the point. The point is to learn from every process and event that happens to us. Grief can definitely teach you a lot of valuable lessons.

One psychiatrist told me – now that you’ve lost your child, there are two ways in your life. One way will lead you to become the worse version of yourself, while the other one will make you generous and the best version of yourself.

At first, I didn’t know what she was talking about because back then I was in the shock and disbelief stage. Her words didn’t make much sense and when the anger phase hit, I remembered her words and thought: “It looks like I’ll be the worst version of myself”.

*The last phase of the grieving process usually starts 7 years after the loss. Of course, it can start differently for various people – some experience this phase even 3-4 years after the loss, some after a decade. 

But now, when I am in the acceptance stages and when the years have passed, it’s true that this grieving journey has made me the best version of myself – in the end.

What will change? I have noticed these changes inside myself:

1. You’ll have more empathy. Becoming even more emotional in this phase is something that shouldn’t surprise you. You’ll feel very generous and kind. You’ll want to protect those who are weaker than you and help those who are suffering.
   
   
2. Your intuition will be stronger. Stronger intuition will not come alone – you will also realize that you have become wiser with time. People like to describe that they now feel like “old souls”.
   
   
3. You’ll meet yourself – completely. The grieving process requires spending time alone and often fighting the hardest moments and thoughts all by yourself. You’ll become your own best friend. From now on, you are not afraid to count only on yourself, no matter what happens in life.
   
   
4. You’ll be wiser when it comes to choosing close people in life. You have learned a lot about people too. Finally, you know how to choose close friends.
   
   
5. You’ll cherish life more. You’ll enjoy sunshine, water, and every single breath you take. You’ll realize that life is one great miracle. Express gratitude on a daily basis.