You'll start to wish to make things right again. You'll search for various reasons even when there are none. You may start thinking about destiny, or some higher meaning, or even start asking yourself if things could have been different.
As you may notice, I have transformed the official grieving journey in a bit different stages, due to my personal experience and my yearly practice of speaking with other bereaved parents.
As I've realized, most of them went through the exact stages we mention on this website. Of course, some steps may be mixed, while others may be skipped for some people - yet, most people will find it helpful to realize the mentioned stages of grief in the order we are writing.
After the anger phase is gone, which can last differently for various people (but mostly about a few months to one year), then comes the 4th stage of a grieving process - bargaining. This is what you need to know about it.
1. A period of grieving process when you'll start trying to make things right. You are probably very tired of feeling so sad, lonely, and furious in the last few months, that you are now thinking about trying to sort things out. This is probably the first time since the loss of your child that you may think about hope and wonder how to move on with your life - on a daily basis.
2. Congratulations - on everything good you do for either yourself or others. A lot of bereaved parents lead a messy life after the loss of their child. It's no wonder that you weren't capable of taking care of even daily things, due to the burden you have to carry in your heart.
It's great to celebrate all those little steps that you do to improve your life now, as it is. Maybe you've returned to your job and started working again, maybe you catch yourself sleeping a bit better, or you have decided to take therapy and talk to others about what happened. Be proud of yourself and every little accomplishment that you do. Celebrate milestones, even the smallest ones. Healing is a long process but definitely starts with taking care of yourself.
3. Focus on what can be fixed now. I love to say that people always need a goal, no matter how bad a situation they are in. If you have been leading a messy life since the loss, think about literally anything you can fix now. If you haven't been eating much or healthily, or if you've started binge eating, now may be the moment that you start thinking about how to get your life back in order.
Psychology claims that it's always better to focus on fixing and improving one thing at a time. If you want to fix everything right now (and I know how it feels and why you feel like that), you'll probably end up quitting your new good habits.
Of course, it is okay to make mistakes while trying to make things right, but be sure that you don't give up on something completely. Made a mistake? It's okay, forgive yourself, and then when you're ready try again.
4. Starting to think about destiny. In this stage, you may also start thinking about what your destiny will look like. Bereaved parents get very emotional when the big dates are around. This is the time when you are able to find suitable patterns for living through the big dates and important days in life, without your beloved child.
5. Going back to the anger stage. Don't be surprised if, in the bargaining stage, you catch a little bit of feelings from the anger stage. This phase is for many people even mixed, so they claim that during this period of time they also think about the past and if things could have been different.
The next stage we will write about is guilt, and it is probably one of the worst and hardest stages for bereaved parents. Don't worry, we are here with you, to support you and help you get through the darkest moments that may come.