If someone in your circle has recently lost a child, we believe that you're also going through a difficult time and feeling deeply sorry for them, trying to find ways to offer them comfort and support.
What we've noticed that grieving parents find most upsetting are the following sentences, which are still too often heard from their surroundings.
- "That's how God wanted it." Grieving parents truly don't want to hear that some higher power predetermined their child's fate, as well as their entire family's. Regardless of whether you're a devout believer, avoid uttering this sentence to people who have lost a child.
- "At least you have other children." Another sentence better left unsaid is definitely "At least you have another child or more children." Parents mourn the child they just lost, children don't replace each other, and this won't comfort them. If parents have lost their only child, never say "There will be more children."
- "The grief will pass with time." You have no idea the amount of grief these people carry in their hearts and souls. Don't try to diminish their suffering in this way.
- "They are in a better place now." Similar to the first sentence on the list. Regardless of whether the child was previously ill, don't tell parents that the child may have been saved from suffering.
- "You have to be strong." Grieving parents are already strong because they continue to live with a heavy burden every day. However, they want support, to be able to be weak when they feel that way, and to express their emotions in a way that suits them. Allow them to grieve, don't add to their burden with statements about strength and courage.
If you feel uncomfortable and don't know how to approach parents who have lost a child, it's best to simply say you're sorry, or if you're close, offer some practical help. This will be enough, and grieving parents will truly appreciate your assistance.
You can read more about this topic in this article.
