How to explain death of a child – to a child?

A lot of parents who have lost a child have asked me if is it better to be honest about death and grief with children or to come up with some stories that you be easier for them to accept.

First of all, it is always highly recommended to be 100% honest with your children. You are not protecting them by lying because they will find out about what happened and the real truth for someone else, which is not a good idea because they'll understand that you've betrayed them and lied to them.

Now that this is clear, let's take a look at how we can explain death to children:

1.      Focus on simple biological facts. Small children who haven't talked about death as a topic before may be confused with the news. I know this is very hard for you, but it's best to focus on biological facts when explaining death to a child. Saying something like: „Their heart has stopped beating“ or „Their lungs weren't able to breathe air anymore“ are good examples no matter how bizarre it may look or sound.

2.      The age of a child matters. Of course, you'll talk to a child differently regarding of their age. For older children – above 8 years old, the most important thing is to prepare that their reactions may vary and that they'll probably experience some anxious states.

3.      Be aware of these phrases. Don't say that a person who has died is now in a better place. Many parents with toddlers make a huge mistake by saying that someone who has died is now sleeping. This can cause bedtime anxiety and children will be very confused and feel lost. It is hard to talk about death with children, but it's highly recommended that you do it all directly and 100% honestly.

4.      Emotional reactions – be sure that you're there to answer some questions. There will be many emotional reactions, but the most important thing is that you'll be there to answer the questions your child has. They are learning about life and feelings from you – so be there to show them support.

5.       Acknowledge your own feelings. Don't run away from talking about your own feelings – share them with children.

6.      Answering as honestly as possible. I've already mentioned it's highly recommended to answer any question as honestly as possible so your children know that you're a safe place for them and that they can trust you.

7.      Stick to a daily routine. Such a tragedy is highly shocking for every family, and the best thing you can do for yourself and your children is to stick to a daily routine as much as possible, especially in the first period after the funeral.