I have already written an article talking about what bereaved parents don't want to hear. You can read more about it here.
If you want to help your family member or a friend who has lost a child but don't know how, here's how you can do it the best way:
1. Be Present
One of the most valuable gifts you can offer is your presence. Sometimes, just being there—whether in person, on the phone, or through text—can provide immense comfort. Let them know that you are available to listen or sit in silence. Your presence can reassure them that they are not alone in their grief. Yet, respect their needs and wishes.
2. Listen Actively
When your friend or family member is ready to talk, listen actively. Encourage them to share their feelings and memories without interruption or judgment. Avoid trying to “fix” their feelings or offering clichés like “They’re in a better place.” Instead, validate their emotions. Simple phrases like “I’m so sorry you’re going through this” or “It’s okay to feel this way” can go a long way.
3. Offer Practical Help
Grief can make everyday tasks overwhelming. I have talked about that already a lot on our website. True help includes offering practical help - no matter how small the task may be. They will appreciate that very much.
4. Create a Safe Space
Ensure that your friend or family member feels safe expressing their feelings. Avoid rushing them through their grief or steering the conversation away from painful topics. Read more how an emotionally safe person looks like in this article.
5. Encourage Professional Help if Needed
If you notice that your friend or family member is struggling significantly or exhibiting signs of prolonged grief, gently suggest seeking professional help. You can read more about how trauma changes people here.
If your friend or a family member has issues with some sort of addiction, you can get more advice on how to behave in such a situation in this article.
6. Respect Their Grieving Process
I have repeated this for numerous times on our website, but let's remind ourselves once again - everyone's grieving process may be different and that is completely fine. Our grief guide can help you understand what they may be going through - this is usually universal for many people.
7. Remember Important Dates
Anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays can be particularly tough for those grieving. A simple gesture—like sending a text, a card, or flowers on a loved one’s birthday—can show that you remember and care. This acknowledgment can help them feel supported during difficult times.
8. Share Memories
When appropriate, share positive memories of the person they lost. Keep the memory of that child alive.
9. Give them time.
The last thing I would like to mention is to give your friend or a family member enough time to cope with their loss. Don't hurry anything and never compare their grieving process to someone else's. Understand that they will also have their ups and downs, no matter how much time has already passed.
Would you like to add something else to our list?
We would like to hear your advice too - leave a comment below and we will add your advice to our list on the 10th place.
